that I've been using dA as my personal ranting and venting space lately, but this is the only place I can do that without too many people that I know seeing. Why don't I want anyone to see? Because I don't want them to know the the one that is always trying to be happy is the one that is always hurt. Thanks. And I don't want my sister to see.

My dad just got angry at me for being all blah and having a really big attitude. And then he went on to say how my mom's even afraid to talk to me because I'm apparently always pouting and what not. And to be honest, all I can say to that is...what the crap do you want from me? Okay? What the freaking crap do you want? And they go on an compare to me to my oh so perfect sister who is happy and cooperative. Well that's just bullcrap. And you wanna know why? Because she was never under as much pressure as I have ever been in my life by so many people. I have to deal with my club. I have to excel in violin. I have to excel in piano. I have to get a higher seat in orchestra. I have to get good grades. I have to make my teachers happy. I have to make my parents happy.

They expect me to be happy and to make conversation. But what do they expect for me to do with all of this pressure that I can't deal with on my own? And they just decide to leave me here. And I don't want to tell them anything 'cause it's not like they know how to talk to me anyway. And this at this point, it's not like they even want to talk to me anyway.

My dad hit me with his slipper. First time that's happened since I was just a little kid.